A very useful tool in caring for our troubled children is receiving and hanging onto God’s promises for them. In my case, God gave me a specific promise for all of my children before I even met my husband! He confirmed that promise to me many times over, including at my baby shower for my first born. I tended to be a bit fearful when my son was an infant, so I would just proclaim and pray that verse over and over. The fear would always leave! Through the years, He has continued to give me new and specific promises for each of them as the need arises. One time the Lord spoke a specific Scripture reference to me for my daughter as I was waking up. Within the hour we received a phone call with bad news about her situation, and I was able to hang onto the promise God had just spoken to me about her. He is so faithful!
If you haven’t gotten any promises for your children and/or a vision for them - to see them how God sees them - pray and ask God for that. He is Faithful to answer those prayers.
Matt 7:7-11 “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.
9 “You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? 10 Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! 11 So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask Him.
All of the promises in the Bible are available to Christ followers. Another way to get promises for your children is simply to read the Bible and see what Holy Spirit highlights to you.
Psalm 91:4 says, “His faithful promises are your armor and protection.”
This is true and we can wear them like armor over our hearts, souls, and minds to keep us in a place of peace. Sometimes I review for myself the major promises God has given me over my lifetime and just marvel at how He has kept them all, and how they truly have been an armor and protection over my heart, soul, and mind. I am an empath and a very emotional person. I cry easily and a lot - both for joy and for sorrow. I just can't imagine how I would've survived my life if not for His faithful promises that have guarded my soul over the years.
The other thing I want to point out about His faithful promises is that it really is all about HIM fulfilling them. I have made a lot of embarrassing, ridiculous mistakes in my life - often things that people clearly warned me about ahead of time. These have caused me much suffering. But fairly early on in my walk with the Lord, I was keenly aware of God's faithfulness, in spite of our foibles, sins, and unfaithfulness. The Word says, "If we are unfaithful, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny who He is." (2 Tim 2:13). Faithfulness was a huge deal to me because of my childhood - lots of abandonment and unfulfilled promises. Because He had built so much trust in me of His faithfulness, I have been able to hang onto His promises even when I am acutely aware of my own shortcomings. It is not about us and our goodness and strengths. It's about Him, His shed Blood for us, and trusting in that and what He has told us.
One (of many) example from my life: I was involved in a church that was experiencing "renewal" in NJ in the 90's. One time during worship, the Lord clearly told me that He would give me a husband with the heart of a father, and then confirmed that repeatedly. At the time, I was twice divorced, not dating anyone, and already approaching the upper limits of when most people think that a woman can bear a child. I was also in the throes of recovering from some severe family trauma, as well as my previous divorce. In other words, I was a mess! I held onto that promise despite all evidence to the contrary that this would happen, and within 4-5 years, I was married to my wonderful husband and pregnant with our firstborn child. My husband does indeed have the heart of a father. God said He would do it, and He did. My part in all of it was simply hanging onto the promise He gave me. I have more similar testimonies than I can count and I'm sure some of them I don't even remember anymore. I know what a screw-up I am, and I know that God is faithful.
Once you have received specific biblical promises from God for your child and He has given you the ability to see your child the way He does:
1) Pray into them often. God does not mind you reminding Him of the promises He gave you. In fact, He encourages us to do so..
Isaiah 62:6-7
6 O Jerusalem, I have posted watchmen on your walls; they will pray day and night, continually. Take no rest, all you who pray to the Lord. 7 Give the Lord no rest until he completes his work, until he makes Jerusalem the pride of the earth.
God invites us to remind Him of His promises over and over until He fulfills them (which I’m sure is for our benefit).
2) Encourage your child with these promises as often as you can. Troubled children are often very discouraged about who they think/feel that they are and tend to be hopeless about their future. It’s so important that they be able to hear and receive how God sees them. There are almost endless ways to remind them/encourage them about God’s Love for them and that He has a great plan for their lives. For example, you can:
Speak them directly to you child
Put notes in his/her lunch box
Write them on his bathroom mirror
Hang up a poster of it
Write it around a frame of a picture of him/her.
Sing it to him/her.
Tap into God’s creativity!
My daughter went through a period of time when she was misbehaving badly (this is a huge understatement), and she would say to me sometimes, “Mom, it’s okay. We know I turn out good.” Not that I wanted her to take that for granted, but I was (and am) so glad that she has that hope inside of her. It has carried her through much difficulty and discouragement.
God’s Word also entreats us to remind ourselves often of the ways of the Lord:
Deut 6:4-9 (Deut 11:18-20 shares similar thoughts)
4 “Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. 5 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. 6 And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. 7 Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. 8 Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. 9 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
Arthur Burk teaches about the amygdala - specifically about the right and left sides of the amygdala. We mostly only hear about the left side - which is the one that panics and loses all ability to reason, etc. God designed us, though, with a right amygdala, and that side is designed to be full of remembrances of God’s faithfulness to us in the past. That then, is supposed to balance out the left amygdala and help us to NOT freak out when scary things threaten us. Reminding your child (and yourself) about God’s faithfulness is actually a way to grow and strengthen the right amygdala and help heal the brain. Hallelujah!
Proverbs 18:21 "Life and death are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Use God's Word for life for you and your family!
(All Scripture reference are NLT).